Chapter 53 Won't Your Eyes Get Dry?

"Your Highness the Prince of Chu... Oh dear... Your Highness the Prince of Chu, I beg of you!" As the head eunuch of the Eastern Palace, Puyun felt like kneeling right then and there as he watched Li Kuan busying himself on the rockery in the Eastern Palace garden.

No, correction: he had already knelt, and was kowtowing repeatedly. "Your Highness the Prince of Chu, I'm begging you! Please withdraw your divine powers. If His Majesty and the Crown Prince find out about this, I'm certain to be skinned alive..."

"This is none of your business, now scram! Pestering me day in and day out, aren't you annoying?" Once Li Kuan had littered the entire courtyard with rubble from the peak of the rockery, he found a suitable crevice, jammed Li Er's double-bladed halberd into the artificial mountain, and carefully bound it with slender iron chains. He cursed at Puyun while cautiously climbing down the rock face. Upon reaching the ground, he picked up a previously prepared iron shovel, dug a hole in the earth, and buried the excess length of the iron chain beneath the soil.

Thus, the grand project was finally complete.

"Tell the others not to approach this rockery from now on, especially during thunderstorms. Keep yourselves far, far away!" Li Kuan clapped his hands, tossed the shovel to Puyun, and felt a surge of smug satisfaction, believing he had finally laid a troublesome matter to rest. This time, surely no one would be able to use the palace being struck by lightning to make things difficult for his Crown Prince elder brother.

Indeed, no one would bother Li Chengqian about that anymore.

After all, why should the Crown Prince, a mere grain of rice, compete for brilliance with the "radiance of the bright moon" that was the Prince of Chu?

Right now, everyone's target for fault-finding was entirely Li Kuan.

Fang Xuanling and Du Ruhive, those two virtuous ministers, could be said to have suffered an unprovoked disaster today.

As the two large scholar trees who had been the indirect targets of Li Kuan's veiled insults, they possessed broad minds: considering they had just been praised by Li Kuan for having "the talent of prime ministers," the two decided to act like true "prime ministers" and pretended the incident had never happened.

As for Yuchi Gong—who, due to his military background, was practically half-illiterate—coming to them to "seek advice," the two ministers maintained a tacit and unified attitude: no matter how much you try to persuade or argue, we remain utterly unmoved.

After all, these men were Li Er's finest strategists and generals, the sturdiest bedrock of the future Great Tang Empire; there was no need for them to harbor resentment against a child who had merely spoken a few home truths.

Besides, the one who should be sweating profusely right now was someone else, wasn't he?

And that "someone else" they spoke of—Prime Minister Pei Ji—was currently sweating to a degree that needed no description. The Prime Minister hadn't even left the palace gates after the morning court session before he hurried straight to Hongyi Palace, weeping and complaining to Li Gao about being publicly insulted by Li Kuan...

As for Wei Zheng, whose performance had surprised everyone today, his retreat at the time was not out of cowardice, but rather a forbearance born of considering the bigger picture.

However, the Chinese character for "enduring" or "forbearing" (忍) is composed of a blade (刃) placed over a heart (心)—it is like taking a knife to carve out one's own heart.

Now that Pei Ji was practically finished ("Ji" as good as dead), Wei Zheng felt it was time to settle accounts.

The more he thought about it afterward, the angrier the adult Wei became, until he simply stopped putting up a facade. Taking advantage of his duty hours at the government office, he drafted the outline for tomorrow's memorial in his mind: this time, he would fire on all cylinders and make the arrogant Prince of Chu understand one simple truth—a true internet troll (critic) knows how to keep their composure, endure attacks, and practice restraint, but the moment an opportunity arises, they will bravely step forward and launch a fierce counterattack!

***

The myriad forms of sentient beings are all different, each with their own splendor.

Yet the most magnificent Prince of Chu felt the boundless, rolling-river-like respect he once held for Yu Shinan vanish into thin air the very second he received the disastrous news that the old man had taken him on as his final closed-door disciple.

This old man! How could he repay kindness with enmity?!

He had offended so many people just to help the man, and now was precisely the crucial juncture when he should be learning archery and horsemanship (horse racing, pitch-pot games) for future self-defense (and drinking games with dissolute youths to deflect alcohol). How could such prime time be wasted?

But Li Er cared nothing for any of that.

Especially when he learned that his beloved weapon had been taken by this rascal to build some contraption called a "lightning rod" on his eldest son's palace, the psychology of a loving father reached its absolute peak in Li Er: "I will dispatch four armored guards to protect the safety of Esteemed Minister Yu day and night. Of course, if you, you little scoundrel, dare to disobey discipline, they are also authorized to act on behalf of myself and Esteemed Minister Yu, just to teach you a memorable lesson!"

"Your Majesty... a teacher instructing his students should rely on reason and persuasion..." Yu Shinan, standing nearby, tried to refuse.

Yet at the moment, he truly couldn't wedge a single word in edgewise.

When Li Er looked at his second son, who stood before him covered in mud from head to toe and sweating profusely, he felt how absurd his previous thought of giving up on correcting the boy's temperament had been: if he didn't discipline him now, this little rabbit would sooner or later stir up a catastrophic disaster!

"Imperial Father, Kuan-di only took your double-bladed halberd because he wanted to help me resolve my troubles. Although his actions were inappropriate, his original intention was indeed good. Therefore... if Your Majesty wishes to punish Kuan-di, this son is willing to bear this responsibility together with my second brother!" The Crown Prince, having just returned to the Eastern Palace and caught wind of the rumors, hurried over to rescue him. As soon as he entered the door, he fell to his knees before Li Er, speaking with earnest and heartfelt words.

Yu Shinan, sitting neglected to the side, looked at the scene unfolding before him with a heart full of gratification. He felt neither that the Prince of Chu was unruly nor that the Crown Prince's deep sense of loyalty was improper.

They were both such good children...

"Dad, that halberd is nothing more than an ornament to you nowadays. Didn't I just put it to good use by taking it to help big brother fix his lightning rod?" Seeing that his big brother had already surrendered, Li Kuan knew he couldn't keep sticking his neck out to lock horns with the old man, so he had no choice but to opt for "gentle persuasion."

Yet the "persuasion" he produced only fueled the rapidly extinguishing flames of Li Er's wrath.

"You little rabbit! What ornament? Back then, I held that very halberd outside the city of Luoyang, before Hulao Pass, leading three thousand five hundred men to battle against Wang Shichong's army of one hundred thousand. Amidst the chaotic melee, I had only this halberd in my hand and the Qingzhui steed beneath me as I fought the enemy until dawn! The peril was such that I didn't even dare to blink my eyes..."

"Dad..." The unfilial son Li Kuan abruptly interrupted Li Er's reminiscing about the glorious years of the past, cracking a joke instead: "You were hacking and slashing all night without blinking—wouldn't your eyes get dry?"

"Bang!"

"Is this motherf**king a question of whether my eyes get dry?!" Emperor Li Er, who had always considered his self-cultivation and temperance to be quite sufficient, could finally take no more. Disregarding the fact that Yu Shinan was still present, he first let loose a fierce curse, and then slammed his fist down onto the imperial desk, rattling the objects upon it with a clatter.

***

"Come, come here! I'll show you whether your eyes get dry!" The enraged Emperor rounded the imperial desk, roaring as he lunged forward. Along the way, he conveniently untied his own jade-adorned belt, swearing to himself that he would give this child a complete childhood today!

"Imperial Father, calm your anger! Younger brother was merely being playful for a moment..." Seeing this, Crown Prince Li Chengqian hurriedly crawled forward on his knees and clamped his arms around Li Er's thigh.

Only in this way did he manage to carve out a sliver of survival for Li Kuan.

"Dad! You can't do this! Are you a sore loser?" Little Li Er saw that Big Li Er had entered a state of complete blood-rage and was about to go on a rampage. Smart as he was, he naturally refused to stand in place and quietly take a beating.

Therefore, Li Kuan unhesitatingly darted behind Yu Shinan, while hurriedly trying to trigger the latter's protective instincts toward his disciples: "Master! Can you bear to watch your disciple meet an untimely demise from severe injuries on the very first day he enters your sect?"

"..." Yu Shinan stared at the Prince of Chu, who had executed a set of dragon-like dodging footwork and flashed right beside him, completely speechless for a long time.

Especially the aggrieved expression on the fellow's face made the old man's cheeks twitch twice.

It was simply... too difficult to evaluate...

Perhaps this was simply his karmic tribulation...

Yu Shinan felt no regret, but he desperately wanted to slap his own face.

Why had he been so foolishly overconfident earlier, insisting on taking on the heavy burden of righteousness with his frail shoulders?

Realizing a certain grim truth, the esteemed Minister Yu Shinan faced his disciple's plea for rescue by first letting out a deep, resignation-laden sigh.

Then, he slowly stood up, bowed to Li Er—who had halted his steps in place—and said, "Your Majesty... This subject believes... regarding your previous intention to dispatch armored guards..."

"Esteemed Minister, are you still going to reject my kindness? But look at this little scoundrel..." Emperor Li Er, unwilling to harm the Crown Prince, exercised his patience. Upon hearing Yu Shinan's words, he assumed the man still intended to "persuade with reason," which only made him both exasperated and furious. Unreconciled, the Emperor simply lifted his foot to step forward, dragging his eldest son—who clung desperately without letting go—as he trudged laboriously toward Li Kuan.

"Your Highness... This subject means..." Hearing himself misunderstood, Yu Shinan explained to Li Er with an utterly earnest expression, "Let's double the number of armored guards... Four guards might not be enough..."