Chapter 161: Protecting the Court

"Surpassing... the entire army?"

Ichigo stared in disbelief at the few fellows leisurely walking out of that thing called the 'Tenchūren'.

A monk, a pompadour-sporting guy who looked like a delinquent uncle, a plump middle-aged woman, a bizarrely dressed uncle with a flashy, punkish vibe, and a woman who clearly didn't belong to the category of normal humans.

Surely, no normal person would have that many skeleton-like arms sprouting from their back, right?

Besides, who on earth would pull out a bunch of things that looked like children's toys to set up a formation the moment they arrive, and then top it all off with a "Yaha—"?

Seeing the Zero Division for the first time, Ichigo couldn't help but inwardly complain.

The combined combat power of these five guys actually surpasses that of the Gotei 13?

You've got to be kidding me, Captain Kyōraku.

No matter how you look at them, these fellows are completely abnormal. Could it be that the Zero Division is actually a psychiatric hospital?

Yeah, that seems highly likely.

"They're here, they're here, they're here, finally here! Make way for the adults of the Zero Division!"

The delinquent uncle with the pompadour and an ambiguous wooden stick dangling from his mouth was the first to speak, wearing an extremely excited expression.

And seriously, what is up with that flag you're holding? It looks super lame!

"Long time no see, you little punps of the Gotei 13. Have you been eating well, sleeping well, and growing up big and strong?"

"..."

"..."

An eerie silence fell.

This should have been a very impactful greeting, so why wasn't there even a single person responding?

"Oh, you've gotten even lamer, Kirinjirō."

"Is that seriously the very first thing you say when we finally meet after all this time???"

Bending his body into an exaggerated arc, Kirinjuro pointed at Chōjirō, who had just roasted him, and retorted with an impatient expression.

"Yo, so lame, Kirinjirō."

"He hasn't changed at all from before, has he?"

"Wow, even lamer, Kirinjirō."

"He's still totally unchanged, right??"

"Oh, you've gotten even lamer, Tenshirō."

"Compared to the first line, you literally just changed the name, didn't you?"

"No, no, no~~~~ you're exaggerating too much, little Ten."

Shutara, dressed in eccentric alternative fashion, suddenly cut in with an exaggerated smile on her face, then clapped her hands and joined Chōjirō in a tacitly coordinated gesture of disdain.

"Super~~~~~ despise you!"

"Why on earth are you siding with others to roast me?!"

"…What the hell, his image and vibe totally don't match, what is that guy... pffth!"

Hirako, who had been watching the three of them bickering the moment they met with an expression of disbelief, hadn't even finished his sentence before someone suddenly slapped him hard from behind, sending him flying far away.

"My, long time no see, Shinji. Wasn't little Hiyori with you?"

"Who the hell are you, that hurt like— Huh? Did you just say 'little Hiyori'?"

"Have you forgotten? It's me, Kirio!"

The plump woman proudly pointed at herself. She felt she hadn't changed all that much compared to before, so why couldn't Shinji recognize her?

"Eh? You... are you Miss Kirio? You've gotten better— Eh eh? This is way past the level of just 'getting better'! Who are you?!"

"Oh, stop it. I haven't changed that much, have I? Shinji is such a tease, I'm getting hungry."

The plump woman calling herself 'Kirio' began to act coy, but why did she look so much like a pig acting spoiled?

"Oh, Unohana, long time no see."

Kirinjirō, who had finally recovered from the collective disdain of Shutara and Chōjirō, called out to Unohana beside him.

They were senior and junior apprentices from the exact same school long ago, and it had been quite a while since they last saw each other.

"Long time no see."

Unohana truly lived up to someone who had served as a captain for over a millennium; she politely nodded toward Kirinjirō and said nothing more.

She completely ignores even the guys from the Zero Division—truly worthy of being a captain from a thousand years ago...

"Did you and that brat Chōjirō get marri— No, I mean, consummate the marriage? Huh?"

With a single sentence, Kirinjirō made Unohana, who had been completely composed until now, blush fiercely. Though at this point, one could only consider it a forced display of composure, right?

"Can you not be so gossipy? Idiot."

With a slight flush still lingering on his face, Chōjirō delivered a ferocious punch from behind straight into Kirinjirō's pompadour, knocking him flat on his face.

"We've messed around enough, now let's talk about business."

After casually kicking the face-planted Kirinjirō a couple of times for good measure, Chōjirō turned around with a solemn expression, looked at the monk in charge who was leading the group, and dropped his casual demeanor for the first time.

"What is the Zero Division's business coming here at a time like this, Ichibei?"

"Oh! Is it finally my turn to speak?"

The monk, Shutara Ichibei, who had been watching all this from the side, raised an eyebrow and stepped forward.

"..."

This guy is genuinely pitiful...

Ichigo silently sympathized with Ichibei in his heart. He clearly looked like the leading figure of the Zero Division, so why had he been reduced to only getting a chance to speak now?

"We have come this time by order of the Soul King."

Scanning everyone present, Ichibei's gaze finally landed on the only orange-haired Soul Reaper who wasn't wearing a white haori.

"Are you Kurosaki Ichigo?"

"First, we are taking you, Kurosaki Ichigo, and 1st Division Lieutenant Chōjirō Chōjirō, to the Soul King Palace."

"!"

"Eh?"

Not only Ichigo, but Chōjirō was also taken aback, then pointed at himself with a profound sense of bewilderment.

"Me?"

"That's right."

Ichibei laughed heartily and patted Chōjirō on the shoulder, making it look as though the two of them were exceptionally close.

Kurosaki Ichigo was heading to the Soul King Palace to repair his shattered Bankai that couldn't be fixed otherwise, but why on earth was he being asked to go there?

"If they tell you to go, you go. Anyway, it means something's up, right?"

"Are you kidding me?!"

The first one who couldn't help but throw a fit was Sōifon.

"I don't care how great the Zero Division is! But you only show up after the Seireitei has been destroyed to this extent, and now you just want to drag people away as you please? There has to be a limit to the joking!"

"..."

Glancing at the little bee behind him, neither Ichibei nor Kirinjirō said a word, simply continuing with the previous topic.

"Now, as I was saying..."

"Hey!"

"You're awfully noisy, little girl."

"!"

Before Sōifon could make any further moves, her arm had already been twisted behind her back, completely suppressing any possible subsequent actions she might take.

"I should be the one saying 'stop kidding around'. You guys are the 'Gotei 13', aren't you?"

Kirinjirō's eyes, while he aggressively held Sōifon's arm in a tight grip without letting go, gradually filled with a murderous intent as he stared fixedly at the female Soul Reaper before him.

"The missions of the Zero Division and the Gotei 13 are fundamentally different. I shouldn't even need to spell that out for you."

"People who carry the name 'Protecting the Court' are begging us for assistance because they couldn't protect anything. The word 'Protect' is practically weeping right now."

Speechless.

Just as he said, since the Zero Division acts as the Royal Guard, their mission is solely to safeguard the safety of the Soul King, while the affairs of the Seireitei remain the responsibility of the Gotei 13.

Yet under their watch, the Seireitei had been reduced to this state.

Did they truly have the qualification to lash out at the Zero Division?

"Stop spouting all that useless nonsense, Kirinjirō."

"It hurts like hell!"

Showing no mercy, Chōjirō landed another blow on Kirinjirō from behind, then looked straight at Ichibei, demanding a satisfactory answer.

"So, what on earth is the actual reason for dragging me along to the Soul King Palace?"

"..."