Chapter Twenty-Three: Confession

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Yin Ruxin saw Yang Yaozong standing before her. She did not lift her head, but bravely extended her trembling hands to grip his long robe tightly, her shoulders quivering as she struggled to hold back tears. After a long moment, she said in a trembling voice, "Just as you said, my curiosity about you is because I like you. But if, in the future, I become your enemy, what would you do? I mean, if it happens."

Yang Yaozong lowered his gaze to the girl whose head was still bowed, working to suppress her emotions, then looked up at the landscape painting on the wall, its meaning profound and far-reaching. "I... am a son-in-law, I won't become your enemy." He had not expected Yin Ruxin to like him; seeing her now, it was clear her feelings were not merely friendly, but rather the affection between a man and a woman. Yang Yaozong had thought their connection was one of deep mutual understanding, above ordinary friendship. He had never imagined Yin Ruxin would have the courage to confess her feelings.

Yin Ruxin raised her head, her eyes misty and her delicate brows tightly knit.

Yang Yaozong looked down, his brows furrowed as their eyes met. Yin Ruxin stared into Yang Yaozong's clear eyes and asked, "What if I become the enemy of your wife, Nangong Qingyi? What would you do then?"

Yang Yaozong fell silent. Nangong Qingyi was only his wife in name; they had never met, let alone developed any affection, but she was, after all, his wife. Though she was not by his side, she had arranged for Xiao Hua and the household servants to care for him, allowing him to live freely and comfortably in this world. Yet, at this moment, he felt a mysterious emotion for the woman before him. Was it concern? It seemed deeper than that. Love? He was uncertain. But he knew he liked her. He truly liked Yin Ruxin.

Yin Ruxin bit her lip, raising her head to gaze at Yang Yaozong. Yet she heard no answer from him, nor could she find an answer in his eyes, only a tangle of emotions. Slowly, she lowered her head and released her grip on his robe, clenching her fists upon her knees. Her heart ached, but there was a thread of sweetness, for Yang Yaozong's hesitation told her she was in his heart. Whether as friend or confidant, she mattered to him.

Yang Yaozong, seeing her sadness and grievance, sighed and shifted his gaze to the painting on the wall. "Is this painting of your hometown?"

Hearing his question, Yin Ruxin lifted her head and saw Yang Yaozong studying the painting. She turned to look at it as well, nodding. "It's my hometown, the Wuling Mountains." Through the painting, she seemed to glimpse her distant home.

Yang Yaozong nodded, still staring at the scenery depicted in the painting. He had thought for a long time, and finally said slowly, "It's beautiful. If I have the chance, I will go there. To see your homeland, and your people."

Upon hearing this, Yin Ruxin, who had been sitting sideways, suddenly straightened, her eyes full of surprise and joy as she looked at Yang Yaozong, the mist in her eyes rising ever higher.

Yang Yaozong lowered his head, meeting Yin Ruxin's luminous eyes. He recalled all their conversations, her words and actions, her sharp analyses. He deduced that Yin Ruxin's identity was not simply that of a courtesan; she must have other matters, and those matters could not be shared with him, so they must be extraordinary. Moreover, he was certain he liked Yin Ruxin. He had made up his mind on several things, and said seriously, "I'll answer your question. I won't let you become my enemy. Even if you did, I would win you over. No matter what you do, right or wrong, I will bring you to my side. Even if you are right and I am wrong, I will still win you over. In any case, I will make sure you stand with me. If you face any problems or obstacles, I will do all I can to help you resolve them. Right now, I can't promise anything definite, but once I have a goal, I will pursue it. I don't know how our future will unfold, but I will do my best to steer it toward my ideal. In short, I won't let you become my enemy."

"Tomorrow, the emperor will summon me to the palace. Obviously, it won't be just because of a poem. Perhaps this is fate. If it's a blessing, it won't be a disaster; if it's a disaster, it can't be avoided. Maybe I'm destined not to live a carefree life in this era," Yang Yaozong thought silently.

Yin Ruxin was stunned. Though she didn't quite understand the term "win over," she could guess its meaning from his words. Pearly tears finally slid down her jade-like cheeks. All her earlier distress, sadness, confusion, and complexity were dispelled by the warmth rising in her heart.

She smiled, meeting Yang Yaozong's clear, bright eyes with her own. Her smile reflected in his gaze, beautiful and pure. She felt happiness and joy as never before.

Suddenly, she gripped his robe once more, lowering her head to his chest, her shoulders trembling violently. She cried, sobbing uncontrollably.

Since the master of the valley left to attend to affairs, the barely ten-year-old Yin Ruxin had managed everything in the Poison Valley as the Saintess. After the master passed away, she naturally inherited the position, though she still bore the Saintess title. Now, at twenty, she had come to Tianjing as a courtesan, a choice made out of necessity. She could not, like Nangong Qingyi, openly work in public, for there was only one Nangong Qingyi in all of Great Zhou, and her status was far beneath hers. So, according to the arrangements of the master and Prince Qin, she became a courtesan. She had to manage the valley's affairs, as well as those of Prince Qin, always tense, never daring to relax. Until she met Yang Yaozong—his erudition, unrestrained nature, and honest demeanor all drew her heart. When she could not see him, she grew angry and missed him; when she did, she teased and scolded him. Yang Yaozong's shadow gradually became clear in her heart. She knew he was a son-in-law, but she could not control her feelings. Today, she saw a strange yet familiar Yang Yaozong, and felt that this was the true Yang Yaozong. She was happy but afraid. She feared the day he would learn all she had done, feared he would hate her. Her world might collapse then. Yet she never expected that Yang Yaozong held her in his heart as well. She was glad, joyful, and happy—an unprecedented happiness that spread within her. She cried, but it was tears of joy. Yes, no matter what the future held, at this moment she was happy.

Yang Yaozong raised his arm, gently patting Yin Ruxin's back, soothing her soul.

Time passed, long and quiet.

Yin Ruxin lifted her flawless face, now flushed with red. She looked at the man before her—not yet twenty, actually a year or two younger than herself, yet always stable and able to bring her a sense of security and ease—and smiled, "No matter what I do, you will... win me over? No matter how great the disaster I cause? No matter how grave my mistakes? You will always win me over?"

Yang Yaozong suddenly realized that Yin Ruxin perhaps should not know the meaning of "win over," but seeing her now, she clearly understood. He nodded, smiling firmly, "I will. I will do all I can to win you over before you make any big mistakes, so you will always stand with me."

Yin Ruxin smiled like a flower, her gaze pure and bright. "Then I'll wait for you to win me over. Let's see how you do it." She could not stop now—she carried her people's hopes and the mission left by the master. As for when she could stop, she believed in Yang Yaozong. She believed he would make it possible for her to stop. Since he said so, she would trust him, and see what her admired and beloved man could do. Even if he failed, even if they became lovers and enemies, she would still believe him and love him, until her last breath. At least she was happy, for she knew she was in his heart.

"In truth, I came suddenly today because the emperor will summon me tomorrow morning. I was worried I might not see you again, unable to fulfill my promise, so I came. Thinking about it, the emperor should not pose any threat; after all, Nangong Zhan and Nangong Qingyi are still defending the frontier." Yang Yaozong smiled gently, as if chatting at home, looking at Yin Ruxin.

Yin Ruxin grew anxious, gripping Yang Yaozong's robe tighter, urgently asking, "Why is the emperor summoning you?"

Yang Yaozong shook his head, gently patting her shoulder to calm her, looking at her tenderly, "I don't really know." Recently, he had only tended the plants at Nangong Mansion and Bruno's house, doing nothing extraordinary or attention-grabbing, let alone anything to draw the emperor's notice. He told Yin Ruxin about the young prince's visit that morning, and that he was the son of a disgraced official. Then he said, "I don't think the emperor will summon me over a poem, nor because I'm the son of a criminal. I'm still the son-in-law of Nangong Mansion, and I've never done anything remarkable enough to catch the emperor's eye. In any case, I must go to the palace tomorrow, and since the emperor had the young prince personally deliver the summons, I believe my safety is assured. I didn't care much before, but from today, for your sake, the emperor's summons might be an opportunity for me. I don't know if what you do is right or wrong, but from your question about being the enemy of me or Nangong Qingyi, I suspect you believe your actions may not be right, yet you must persist. So I trust you have your reasons, your necessity. Therefore, I must seize this opportunity. I must do something, or else how can I win you over, help you solve your problems? But I still want to advise you: to solve certain problems, there is not only one way. Perhaps there are better methods, ones that don't force you into things beyond your control. Maybe you haven't seen them yet. If someday you do, if you find a way to resolve your issues without forcing yourself to do what you don't want, then choose the way you believe is right."

Yin Ruxin, hearing Yang Yaozong's words, though still worried for him, nodded, "Let me know when you return safely from the palace. Otherwise, I'll worry." She naturally rested her head against Yang Yaozong's chest, listening to his strong, steady heartbeat.

Yang Yaozong nodded softly, "Mm."

She realized Yang Yaozong chose to enter officialdom for her sake. She was intoxicated. Today, for the first time, she felt fear, happiness, sorrowful tears, and joyful tears, and for the first time, she felt utterly enraptured. No longer did she care why Yang Yaozong married into Nangong Mansion, even if it was for love of Nangong Qingyi. But now, Yang Yaozong was choosing to step forward for her. Suddenly, she felt that as long as she could be with Yang Yaozong, nothing else mattered. Yet she knew her responsibilities could not be shed so easily. Now, she dreamed of the future Yang Yaozong could create for her.